Physical Address
304 North Cardinal St.
Dorchester Center, MA 02124
DEAR ABBY: Our family is having its first reunion since my mother and father have been gone. We three brothers are now the oldest generation. My older brothers are planning the event. They are inviting my ex-wife of 21 years, but none of my three nephews’ exes. This is upsetting to me and my wife of 20 years.
I feel strongly that when you marry, you marry into the family, and when you divorce, you divorce “out” of the family. My ex-wife and two sisters-in-law have remained close friends since our divorce and have shunned my present wife.
Should we be upset about the invitation? Should we not attend if my ex comes? One brother says she is still “part of the family” and should be included. My wife and I are furious. Who is right here? — PARTY POOPER IN IOWA
DEAR PARTY POOPER: Did your parents include your former wife at previous family reunions? If they did, I can understand why she would be welcomed at this one. However, if they did not, I can understand your feelings, in light of the fact that your siblings’ wives have shunned your wife of 20 years.
That said, not all divorces are the same. Some former couples manage an amicable severance, and you cannot and should not dictate who your relatives choose to maintain relationships with. If you and your wife would feel more comfortable skipping the reunion, I wouldn’t blame you.
***
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
English